Why do we suffer when we are sad? Not because we are sad. But because we think we should not be. That we are supposed to be up and about, social, productive, whatever else. We have, what Carl Rogers called, the “idealized image” of ourselves. This image is based on how we want others to perceive us.
Our “suffering” begins when we sense or imagine our state being perceived by another (the perceived image as sensed by us) as different from our idealized image. You may call this as judgment (except you are judging your self). The suffering is an unwillingness to accept current state with a concurrent desire to be somebody else and the feeling that you can’t.
How can you decrease it? Allow you to be sad for few hours. Accept your state as is and you will find a burst of energy at the end of exercise.
There is a trick, though. You have to set some outcomes for the next day/evening. Two or three simple ones – like a walk, cook, clean, call, etc.
Once you have accepted your state, your system is no longer struggling. You are congruent and in charge of your emotional states again. That is why you find energy at the end of the exercise. However, now you have to continue to be in charge of your state. Which is why planning outcome for next day/evening is important.
- by Bhavana Nissima - Lightweaver|NLP Passioneer|Innovator|Artist|Counsellor|Educator
Visit her website here.