Happyness Conversations with Umasree Raghunath and Raghu

My friend Umasree Raghunath invited me to the Happyness Conversation that she and her husband Raghu were participating in. The Happyness Conversations are a series of conversations curated by Avis Viswanathan and his wife Vaani who are the Happynesswalas. The event took place in the first floor of The Odyssey bookstore in Adyar. 

Uma and Raghu at the Happyness Conversations

The talk mostly focused on the married life of Uma and Raghu. But it was not an ordinary marriage story, but an extraordinary one that braved all odds. It was an arranged marriage and Uma was just twenty when she entered her married life. On the first night, Raghu confessed to Uma that he was a schizophrenic and was being treated by Dr. R for the last seven years.

Uma was taken aback. But she saw that her husband was handsome and gentle and wanted to give her best to the marriage. So, she met Dr. R along with Raghu and learnt about the illness. She was also relived when she came to know that the probability of the illness being genetically transferred was less. So, she had her daughter Aishwarya in the first year of her marriage.

And then there were the challenges. Raghu could not hold a job and he shifted around 20 jobs in 2 years. Uma said that there were not two people in the marriage, but a third person which was the schizophrenic Raghu. Raghu heard voices. So, when Uma served food he would just ask her to throw away the food without any reason. He would beat her. After one hour he would enquire kindly about her bruises.

Avis and Vaani with the couple

Uma’s in-laws were not helpful. At one point of time, they asked Uma to pay rent for staying in the house that belonged to her husband. Uma revolted and she told the fights were almost like a fish market scene.

All along, Uma slowly and steadily developed her career. With guidance and financial help from her mentor she completed her MBA. Uma has still not stopped learning and she recently got her LLB degree.

Struggling with her day-to-day life then, Uma once decided to end her life by jumping from the Raheja Towers. But due to a good twist of fate, she met Siddharth, a guy with cerebral palsy and not even able to stand properly, who cheerfully greeted her in the lift. Uma was inspired by Siddharth and felt that if he could be so cheerful, she should follow suit and live a cheerful life too. Siddharth is a very successful banker and Uma later went on to co-author a book with him titled, “Simply being Sidds: My Fight with Life and God. “

Closely afterwards the Raheja event, there was a fire accident in her house and Uma still has doubts if it was an attempt on her life. After the incident, she moved out of her house and stayed alone in a hostel and continued working. Her sister took care of her daughter. Raghu would meet her every day at the Gandhi Mandapam and bring lunch for her. After they came to know that their love for each other continued to be strong, Raghu left his home and joined Uma. At this point, Avis joked that they must have been the rare couple who dated at Gandhi Mandapam J

Uma also said she thought of second marriage at times. But then she asked herself if she would leave a child with such a condition alone. It was a clear no. So, she took Raghu as her first child and remained faithful to him.

Uma is now a Global Account Portfolio Manager at IBM. She is also the Vice President of EWIT – Empowering Women in IT. She is also a poet, blogger, social activist, motivational speaker, and a lawyer. Raghu runs a successful business of selling medical equipments. Their daughter Aishwarya is an aspiring fashion designer with a wonderful portfolio. Raghu also volunteers at an NGO that conducts the last rites of abandoned bodies. Raghu said that Uma was like a machine and she never wanted or had something called as free time. Uma and Raghu share three affirmations every night of which one is "I love you."

Uma concluded her speech with guidance for a happy life. 1. Heal yourself and forgive the people who caused you harm in the past. 2. Take care of your mental and physical health. 3. Never be prejudiced by the past, nor fear the future, but live happily in the present moment.

Avis and Vaani shared experiences of their own married life as they coordinated the conversation. Avis would stop after each segment by Uma and try to glean away life lessons for the entire audience. One such message was that mental health was a very common issue and almost everyone in their life has some type of mental health issue at some point of time.

There were also references to beautiful songs that offered life lessons. One was a Tamil song with the lines “Unakkum keezhe Ullavar Kodi, ninaithu paarthu nimathi naadu.” This translates to “There are crores who are below you, think of them and be peaceful”. Another was the Hindi song, “Tere bina zindagi se koi… Shikhwa… Tho Nahi, Shikhwa nahi… shikhwa nahi… shikhwa nahi…. Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin… zindagi… tho nahi…Zindagi nahi… zindagi nahi… zindagi nahi…. This translates to “Without you, there will be no complains in my life; No complains, no complains, no complains; Without you, however, my life will be like I have no life; No life… no life… no life…

There was also a reference to a quote by Rumi which states “Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there.”

Click here for Umasree’s blog.

Click here for blog of Avis.

Avis with his book - Fall Like a Rose Petal - in English and Tamil

Myself with the couple and their daughter in the right end

Prayatna - Vocational Training Centre for the Differently Abled

Sri Arunodayam is taking care of 100 mentally challenged abandoned children of different age groups.  We are very happy to share with you that we have launched a vocational training unit – PRAYATNA (meaning, making good effort) – for the adults of Sri Arunodayam.  There are 15 persons who are at or above the age of 18, and are in need of such services and training.  The vocational training offered at Prayatna serves also as a form of occupational therapy for these members.  Please visit http://www.facebook.com/pages/Prayatna/131733393632288 to view photographs of how work is done at Prayatna.

Our new vocational training unit is currently offering training in book binding and paper bag making.  The adults are trained in sorting paper, counting, stitching, pasting and cutting.  Prayatna, since its inception, has partnered with Sampoorna, the outreach arm of Good Shepherd Matriculation Hr Sec School, Nungambakkam, Chennai, for the actual process of binding the books.

Prayatna’s first order for binding paper came from the Kora Kagaz project.  Kora Kagaz is a project started by young students that strives to reduce the wastage of paper by making meaningful use of it.  Wasted paper, which is unused, is made into new books and given to those who cannot afford them, and used paper is recycled.  For further details on the project, please visit www.facebook.com/Kora Kagaz7.

We get the unused and one-sided paper from the paper collected by these groups, individually and collectively, and bind it for them.  KoraKagaz pays Prayatna Rs 8 per book for the binding.  So far our children have produced 3000 note books and these have been distributed to children in rural schools.

We feel that this is a great opportunity for our children to engage with and be productive citizens of our society. 

We continue to seek your blessing, wishes and support to Sri Arunodayam.

Iyyappan Subramaniyan,
Founder and Managing Trustee
Sri Arunodayam Charitable Trust 
35, Sivananda Nagar, Kolathur, Chennai - 600099, Tamil Nadu, India, Mobile: 09444915803
Mail: sriarunodayam@gmail.com 
Website: www.sriarunodayam.org 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_FW2HAZuv4

You can make a online donation to Sri Arunodayam through  www.giveindia.org

Games Worth Playing

What people really need and demand from life is not wealth, comfort or esteem, but games worth playing. He who cannot find a game worth playing is apt to fall prey to accidie, defined by the Fathers of the Church as one of the Deadly Sins, but now regarded as a symptom of sickness.

Accidie is a paralysis of the will, a failure of the appetite, a condition of generalized boredom, total disenchantment - "God, oh God, how weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable seem to me all the uses of this world!" Such a state of mind is a prelude to what is loosely called "mental illness." Which...fills half the beds in hospitals and makes multitude of people a burden to themselves, their families, and to society.

Seek, above all, for a game worth playing. Such is the advice of the oracle to the modern man. Having found the game, play it with intensity--play as if your life and sanity depended on it. (They do depend on it). Though nothing means anything and all roads are marked "NO EXIT", yet move as if your movements had some purpose. If life does not offer a game worth playing, then invent one. For it must be clear, even to the most clouded intelligence, that any game is better than no game. 

What is a game? It is essentially a trial of strength by rules. Rules are essential. If the rules were not observed, the game would cease to be a game at all. A meaningful game of chess would be impossible if one player insisted on treating all pawns as queens.

The only game worth playing is the "Master Game", the aim of which is true awakening, full development of the powers latent in man. 

~ The Master Game by De Ropp

SCARF presents International Film Festival on Mental Health 2010

The International film festival on mental health started today at the Film Chamber, Anna Salai. This film festival has been organized for the third year in Chennai by Schizophrenia Research Foundation (SCARF). Padmabhushan Dr.Smt. Sarada Menon, founder of SCARF and first woman psychiatrist of India, lighted a lamp to start the function.

Dr. Sarada Menon went onto explain as to why the film festival was named "Frame of Mind." How a person responded to a stimulus or situation depends and also varies with his/her frame of mind or mood. She went on to give an example of how an old man does not like a curry( he assumes his daughter-in-law cooked it) and within few minutes accepts that the dish is tasty when he finds out that his daughter cooked it! One more example she gave was of how parents yield to demands of children when there are repeated requests. Same stimulus but different response due to good mood.

SCARF always showed a Malayalam film at the beginning of each film festival. This year also they started the festival with a Malayalam film titled "Vadakkunokkiyanthram" (Northern Compass). The film starring actors Srinivas and Parvathy in the lead, depicts the irrational behavior of a suspicious husband who wants to win over the love of his newly wed wife. The modest audience of about 60+ in the hall were always laughing due to the hilarious but failed attempts of Srinivas to attract his calm and laid back wife. Srinivas makes crank calls, hits people with rods, registers a complaint in the police station, fights with his younger brother, and also hallucinates. However, the film takes a serious turn for the last few minutes when Srini goes to mental hospital and the couples are estranged. A very nice, entertaining, and funny movie with a nice message that any movie goer can watch.

At the end of the movie, doctors and audience participated in a group discussion. Later, they screened a set of short films on mental health, short-listed for an award. The film festival continues tomorrow (Oct 2nd) and on Oct 3rd and the entry is free. So, all of you grab the chance.

Few facts about mental illness: Mental illness(MI) is mostly a biochemical and genetic condition and most of the times medicines are needed. Stress need not trigger MI. MI can precipitate even in normal conditions. MI is not cured by marriage. Rather, marriage can alleviate the condition if medicines are not taken.

Major Variations of Schizophrenia

Dr.Sarada Menon