Happyness Conversations with Umasree Raghunath and Raghu

My friend Umasree Raghunath invited me to the Happyness Conversation that she and her husband Raghu were participating in. The Happyness Conversations are a series of conversations curated by Avis Viswanathan and his wife Vaani who are the Happynesswalas. The event took place in the first floor of The Odyssey bookstore in Adyar. 

Uma and Raghu at the Happyness Conversations

The talk mostly focused on the married life of Uma and Raghu. But it was not an ordinary marriage story, but an extraordinary one that braved all odds. It was an arranged marriage and Uma was just twenty when she entered her married life. On the first night, Raghu confessed to Uma that he was a schizophrenic and was being treated by Dr. R for the last seven years.

Uma was taken aback. But she saw that her husband was handsome and gentle and wanted to give her best to the marriage. So, she met Dr. R along with Raghu and learnt about the illness. She was also relived when she came to know that the probability of the illness being genetically transferred was less. So, she had her daughter Aishwarya in the first year of her marriage.

And then there were the challenges. Raghu could not hold a job and he shifted around 20 jobs in 2 years. Uma said that there were not two people in the marriage, but a third person which was the schizophrenic Raghu. Raghu heard voices. So, when Uma served food he would just ask her to throw away the food without any reason. He would beat her. After one hour he would enquire kindly about her bruises.

Avis and Vaani with the couple

Uma’s in-laws were not helpful. At one point of time, they asked Uma to pay rent for staying in the house that belonged to her husband. Uma revolted and she told the fights were almost like a fish market scene.

All along, Uma slowly and steadily developed her career. With guidance and financial help from her mentor she completed her MBA. Uma has still not stopped learning and she recently got her LLB degree.

Struggling with her day-to-day life then, Uma once decided to end her life by jumping from the Raheja Towers. But due to a good twist of fate, she met Siddharth, a guy with cerebral palsy and not even able to stand properly, who cheerfully greeted her in the lift. Uma was inspired by Siddharth and felt that if he could be so cheerful, she should follow suit and live a cheerful life too. Siddharth is a very successful banker and Uma later went on to co-author a book with him titled, “Simply being Sidds: My Fight with Life and God. “

Closely afterwards the Raheja event, there was a fire accident in her house and Uma still has doubts if it was an attempt on her life. After the incident, she moved out of her house and stayed alone in a hostel and continued working. Her sister took care of her daughter. Raghu would meet her every day at the Gandhi Mandapam and bring lunch for her. After they came to know that their love for each other continued to be strong, Raghu left his home and joined Uma. At this point, Avis joked that they must have been the rare couple who dated at Gandhi Mandapam J

Uma also said she thought of second marriage at times. But then she asked herself if she would leave a child with such a condition alone. It was a clear no. So, she took Raghu as her first child and remained faithful to him.

Uma is now a Global Account Portfolio Manager at IBM. She is also the Vice President of EWIT – Empowering Women in IT. She is also a poet, blogger, social activist, motivational speaker, and a lawyer. Raghu runs a successful business of selling medical equipments. Their daughter Aishwarya is an aspiring fashion designer with a wonderful portfolio. Raghu also volunteers at an NGO that conducts the last rites of abandoned bodies. Raghu said that Uma was like a machine and she never wanted or had something called as free time. Uma and Raghu share three affirmations every night of which one is "I love you."

Uma concluded her speech with guidance for a happy life. 1. Heal yourself and forgive the people who caused you harm in the past. 2. Take care of your mental and physical health. 3. Never be prejudiced by the past, nor fear the future, but live happily in the present moment.

Avis and Vaani shared experiences of their own married life as they coordinated the conversation. Avis would stop after each segment by Uma and try to glean away life lessons for the entire audience. One such message was that mental health was a very common issue and almost everyone in their life has some type of mental health issue at some point of time.

There were also references to beautiful songs that offered life lessons. One was a Tamil song with the lines “Unakkum keezhe Ullavar Kodi, ninaithu paarthu nimathi naadu.” This translates to “There are crores who are below you, think of them and be peaceful”. Another was the Hindi song, “Tere bina zindagi se koi… Shikhwa… Tho Nahi, Shikhwa nahi… shikhwa nahi… shikhwa nahi…. Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin… zindagi… tho nahi…Zindagi nahi… zindagi nahi… zindagi nahi…. This translates to “Without you, there will be no complains in my life; No complains, no complains, no complains; Without you, however, my life will be like I have no life; No life… no life… no life…

There was also a reference to a quote by Rumi which states “Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there.”

Click here for Umasree’s blog.

Click here for blog of Avis.

Avis with his book - Fall Like a Rose Petal - in English and Tamil

Myself with the couple and their daughter in the right end